Two Books Every Youth Pastor MUST Buy and Read

My title may be a bit dramatic, but I really feel that these two books are absolute must-owns for any youth pastor. I'm not saying that because I have friendships with both authors. I'm saying that because they are truly great books and will change the way you do some parts of your ministry.

The first book is Flimsy Ministry by Brian Siedel. This book was written to challenge the way we look at the calling of youth pastor. Too often the youth pastor is seen as the black sheep of the church staff. Brian seeks to turn that idea on its head. I promise it will shake up the way you look at being a youth pastor. The book is available in both paperback and Kindle. I bought the Kindle version and read it in about two days. I promise you won't be disappointed. Here is a link to the review I wrote on the book shortly after I finished reading it.

The second book you must buy and read is Ministering to Gay Teenagers by Shawn Harrison. With homosexuality becoming more and more accepted in our world, it is not a matter of if a student will tell you he's gay, it is when. Shawn, writing from his own personal experience, has written an incredible book on how to deal with the situation. He does so with grace and offers very practical tips on how to guide the student, the parents, and the church through what can be a very difficult and tumultuous time. Shawn was kind enough to send me a copy of the book and I read it in one day. At about 50 pages, it is well worth the investment of time and money. This book is available on your Kindle and Kindle app for iPad and iPhone. Here is a link to my review.

Please note: I am not pumping these books because I want my friends to make money (I do, but that's not why I'm doing this). I am asking you to purchase and read these books because I truly believe in the message behind these books. I know there are a lot of hurting youth pastors in the world. Trust me, I'm one of them. We are hurting because of the paradigm that we are playing into. I also know there are a lot of hurting students and parents in the world dealing with the issue of homosexuality. If we are to be God's servants to young people, we need to be adequately equipped and prepared. These two books are excellent tools to help do that.

Book Review - Who Do You Think You Are by Mark Driscoll

In Mark Driscoll’s newest book, Who Do You Think You Are?, the reader is provided with 15 different identities that they are able to espouse if he is a believer in Christ. These identities are taken from passages of Scripture found in the book of Ephesians and Driscoll then proceeds to tell how each passage is applicable to the individual who has placed his faith in Jesus.

With so many Christians living defeated lives and believing the lies of Satan about their actions and their pasts, this is a much needed book. As stated, Driscoll takes a passage from Ephesians and shows how it identifies the reader. These include being a saint, being blessed, being appreciated, being saved, being reconciled, being heard, and being victorious, to name a few of them.

The text is very easy to read and Driscoll lays each identity out with a number of outlines to help the reader grasp the point he is trying to make. For example, in the chapter entitled “I Am Loved,” Driscoll defines five ways that Jesus loved the church. In the chapter “I Am Forgiven,” he gives the reader seven things that forgiveness is and seven things that forgiveness is not. These helpful lists can be found in numerous places throughout the text.

I have only two complaints about the book. First, Driscoll and I differ when it comes to our belief on the gifts of the Spirit. He believes that gifts such as healing and speaking in tongues still exist and are to be used today. I do not. He has had some unflattering words to say about cessationists in the past, but that was not reason enough for me not to read the book. Second, all of the chapters open with an illustration to help set the context for what is to come. Many of these illustrations deal with individuals who have had sinful or abusive pasts and these are often described in a rather graphic nature. Words like incest, prostitute, and rape are used throughout. While this may not be an issue for some, it can be a turn-off for others. I know from listening to him preach in the past that this is a huge issue from many in his congregation, but, when writing for a larger audience, it is wise to turn down the tone a bit.

Overall, Who Do You Think You Are? is an excellent resource. It is easy enough to understand for a new believer, but I can also see many sermons and series being born after reading this text. This is the type of book that a pastor will want to order numerous copies of to give away at counseling sessions and to new believers. Well done, Pastor Mark. Another excellent book.

Please note: I received a free copy of Who Do You Think You Are? from BookSneeze.com in exchange for an honest review. I was not required to write a positive review, but I did because I liked the book.

Recommended Reading

The Four Types of Books a Youth Pastor Should Be Reading

We've all heard people use some sort of pithy quote about reading. "Readers are leaders and leaders are readers." I don't know how truth something like that is, but I do know that reading is important. Aside from the Bible, it is vital that a youth pastor be constantly reading in order to grow intellectually.

Here are the four types of books that I generally read to help me grow as a pastor and leader.

• Leadership Books - I will be honest, this is a new type of book for me. I never read much in the way of leadership before. However, as a youth pastor, you are a leader, a leader of students, parents, volunteers, and members of the church. Your effectiveness in ministry relies on your ability to lead. I am currently reading Developing the Leader Within You by John Maxwell. Other books you might want to check out are The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People and How To Win Friends and Influence People.
• Youth Ministry Books - I want to constantly be growing as a youth pastor. To do this, I read a lot of youth ministry-related texts. Some I've read multiple times. I honestly can't tell you the number of times I've read Purpose-Driven Youth Ministry. I also highly recommend The Seven Checkpoints by Andy Stanley, Outbreak by Greg Stier, and Raising the Bar by Alvin Reid.
• General Christian Nonfiction - A lot of Christian leaders write books. Many of them are really good and are worth your time to check out. I read a lot of books in this category, mainly to learn and sometimes to get sermon ideas. Some of the books I've read in this category include The Explicit Gospel by Matt Chandler, Gospel by J.D. Greear, and Erasing Hell by Francis Chan. This is the category where I do most of my reading because I learn the most in this area.
• General Nonfiction - I don't read a lot out of this category because I tend to bounce from book to book way to easily. However, it is important to learn as much as you can to be an effective leader. Nonfiction is a great way to do that. Some of the most interesting books are nonfiction. Some of my favorites include Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell, Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers by Mary Roach, and Freakonomics by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner.

Of course, the above list is not comprehensive. There are many other types of books that you should be reading. Commentaries and books to help you understand the Scripture are necessary. I also highly recommend that you take the time to read some fiction, just to give your brain time to relax. I am a huge fan of Michael Connelly, John Grisham, and Vince Flynn.

Of course, being a reader won't make you an effective youth pastor or leader. That being said, it certainly can't hurt. Grab a book and get started.

All of the books referenced have been linked to Amazon.com to make it easier for you to find out more about them. If you have a Kindle or the Kindle app on your iPad, most of these books are available in that format as well.

For other posts on this topic, please visit my friends Josh Evans (here and here) and Austin McCann (here). They both have written on this topic recently.

What books do you enjoy reading? How are these books helping you become a more effective youth pastor or leader?

Three Lessons I Learned from Losing My Position

I think one of the sad realities of being a youth pastor is that we are most likely not going to have a lot of job security. I realize that this is not the case in every situation, but a number of us will be fired from a church at some point in their career.

Here are a few lessons I learned from losing my job at a church.

• Don't Get Bitter. When you lose your job, it is very likely that you will have some anger. This is perfectly natural. Be angry, but do not sin. Be careful not to say anything ugly or hateful and please do not post anything on the internet. You cannot take those things back. Whatever anger you have, you need to release it. There were three people that I blame for me losing my job. I don't know what role they played in it, but I blamed them. Here's the thing, though: my anger did not affect them. It hurt me. It hurt my family and my friends, but the three that I was angry at were not affected. They probably didn't even know I was angry at them. I had to let the anger go and not get bitter. Bitterness does nothing.
• Move On. After you are no longer at a church, you cannot have any say in what happens at the church. All of the programs and plans you had made may or may not continue. There is nothing you can do about it and worrying about it isn't going to help. My wife and I found out that some of the activities we were responsible for at the church fell apart the first weekend we were not there. It made my wife upset, but we were not responsible for them any longer. Anything that happened for that point on was not on us and we needed to let it go.
• Be Prepared For a Range of Emotions. I went through an entire range of emotions. At first, I couldn't believe that it had happened. Then I got very angry, both at the pastor and the three individuals that I held responsible. I got depressed and upset, not knowing what I was going to do next. I even tried to convince myself that there was a chance that things could change. Only recently have I come to accept the fact that that particular chapter of my life is over. If you aren't prepared for the roller coaster you are about to experience, it can really shake your faith.

Losing your job or getting fired from a church really sucks. It is painful and it might feel like the world is ending. Here's what you have to hold on to: if God called you to ministry, there will be other opportunities. Keep trusting Him and He will direct your paths.

The World Needs You to Stop Being Boring!

Here is a pep talk from Kid President. It brought tears to my eyes.

Looking For Opportunities to Preach

The other day I was reading through Quitter by Jon Acuff. In the book, he was talking about how he wanted to speak at Catalyst on the main stage. For those of you who don't know, Catalyst is a very large leadership conference that takes place in Atlanta, usually in the fall. He had been invited to do a workshop (or lab), but he and his friends were really hoping that he would be asked to speak on the main stage.

As I was reading this, it made me think of another book that I had read called Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell. In this book, Gladwell talks about how the Beatles had to play night after night after night in dive bars and other unsavory locations before they ever became the phenomenon that they eventually were.

I say all this because I'm in the same place. I posted on my Facebook the other night about how I wished the college I graduated from would extend an invitation to me to come preach. I know that it will never happen for a number of reasons. We do not share the same ministry philosophies. I am not currently pastoring anywhere. I have different views on the Bible translation issue. Anyway, let's just say that it will not happen. And I am okay with that (sort of).

My desire, though, is to have the opportunity to preach elsewhere. To have the opportunity to share God's Word with a congregation. I want to continue to improve and sharpen the talents that God has given me. I get to speak every day to my students at school, but there is nothing like sharing God's Word. It is an awesome responsibility to stand up as the messenger of God. If you visit my Sermons page, you can see that I have some opportunity in the past. Those times were a blast.

I said all that to say that I am looking for opportunities to preach. They don't have to be huge arenas or megachurches. Just looking and praying for opportunities. It's hard to be out of the game, so to speak.

Recommended Reading

Defining the Relationship

One of the things that we hear a lot about, particularly in church work, is to "build relationships." The problem arises in the fact that we never actually define what this means. And that is where things can off the rails. So what exactly is meant by "build relationships"?

Some people view building relationships as hanging out and shooting the breeze. They think that hanging out in the youth room is the way to do it. The desire is to become friends with the kids in the youth group and, in this way, earn the right to speak into their lives.

For me, building relationships is about caring for their spiritual lives. Yes, I want to spend time with the students, but I want that time to be intentional. I define "building relationships" as caring enough about the student to make sure they do not stay where they are spiritually.

If we really look at it, students in the youth group have enough friends. They have friends at home, they have friends at school, they have friends in the youth group. They do not need a 33-year old, married father of four trying to be their friend. That is just weird. What they do need, though, is someone who cares enough about them to show them what it is like to live the life of a 33-year old, married father of four. They need to see me love my wife and kids. They need to see how I react to situations and what my response will be. Yes, they need to goof off with me at times, but they need that to see that I am human. They need to see that the faith I purport to have is real and alive and strong enough to weather any situation.

Building relationships is key, but it is even more key to define what that looks like. Students don't need us to be their friends; they need us to love them enough to share Christ with them.

How would you define "building relationships"? Do you agree or disagree with how I defined it?